1. Have the vet make a house call and do it for us ($$$).
2. Hire someone to do it for us ($$).
3. Do it ourselves ($).
Anyone who knows me, or indeed, anyone who's read a few of these posts, knows that I'm a cheapskate, AND, I don't let the fact that I've never done something before get in the way of just diving into it headfirst. As long as there are YouTube videos and how-to websites available, I'll be game to try pretty much anything but a DIY appendix removal.
After researching carefully (see the aforementioned YouTube and how-to website references), I knew what I needed. I needed super-sharp trimmers, a place to restrain the alpacas, and help. Actually, what I really needed was two Long Island Iced Teas and a nap, until the urge to do this task passed.
You remember the scene in "Top Gun" when the fighter pilots walked out onto the flight deck in slow motion, with the theme song playing majestically in the background, and you just knew that the best and brightest our country had to offer was headed off to defend freedom and the American Way? Yeah, well, we didn't look anything like that as we headed for the pasture.
Jerry and I clomped out to the pasture in our rubber boots, I with clippers in hand, and Jerry with lengths of PVC pipe. It was an awesome display. The herd was intimidated. Not.
As an aside: when we fenced in the new pasture, the section of fence between the old and new pastures did not attach perpendicularly to the outside fence. It veered off oddly to form a little triangular section that could easily be barricaded using two long PVC pipes stuck through the wire. We really did leave it like this purposely, figuring that at some point, we'd need to corral the boys, and also figuring that they wouldn't fall for the old "wander innocently into the shelter" gag more than once.
We used the lengths of PVC to herd the boys toward the corner. They move as a pack, so where Atticus went, the others followed. Once they were all squished into the corner, we let three go and held one hostage.
Jerry and I had developed our strategy beforehand--he would hold the alpaca, and I would clip the toenails. Jerry was going to use a "bracelet" hold on the alpaca's neck, which would render said alpaca immobile. I would then carefully coax the alpaca to lift one leg at a time, and swiftly clip the toenails.
Solomon was our first victim. Jerry got him held in the bracelet hold, and I bent down to lift Solomon's back leg. I expected active resistance, but I didn't expect passive resistance--as in, leaning his whole weight on my back as I struggled to get his foot into position. So, Jerry had Solomon in what could only be termed at this point to be a sleeper hold (the bracelet hold flew out the window immediately) and I clipped the toenails of the alpaca, who was laying ON MY BACK. The game, "Twister", had nothing on us.
Yes, he was laughing at us the whole time. Doesn't he look pleased with himself? We got three of the four feet clipped, with Jerry keeping Solomon in the head lock, and me being crushed with 150 lbs of dead-weight alpaca. By foot #4, Solomon had turned passive resistance into active resistance, and he broke free. I tried to coax him back with promises of foot massages (yes, there is a lady on YouTube who gives her alpacas foot massages), but he wasn't buying it.
One down, three to go. Ashley came wandering out, and we recruited her for our mission. Sucker. We did the same thing, guiding (chasing) the herd around the pasture and into the corner again. We got smart this time, and decided to halter the selected victim (Mizzie) for ease of handling. But we made the mistake of thinking we'd save time by moving Mizzie to the halter, rather than the halter to Mizzie. I keep trying to tell Jerry that when the alpaca breaks free, LET GO. Jerry is a stubborn man. Now, Jerry is a stubborn man with a Mizzie footprint on his chest. Yes, he fell down, wouldn't let go of the alpaca, and got stomped for his troubles.
I was a little concerned about how we were going to clip all of Mizzie's feet, since due to his bionic shoulder, his right front leg (front passenger side leg) is a little shorter than the others, and he lists to that side. I wasn't sure how much weight he could put on the affected leg if I had one of his back legs up. I needn't have worried. Not only could Mizzie lift the back leg, he could KICK with the back leg. Sorry, Ashley.
Mizzie 2; Dunhams 0. Jerry has a Mizzie print on his chest, Ashley has one on her stomach. Have I yet mentioned that sometimes, it's good to be the person doing the clipping, rather than the person doing the alpaca-holding?
Although, I had troubles of my own with MIzzie. He really is a stubborn little thing. I solved the troubles completely by accident, though. I was trying to get him to hold his back foot still. It just so happened that when I held his foot with the hand closest to his body, the angle forced my elbow into his....."man-bits". He was suddenly very, very still. Huh. Works with all species, I guess.
Once Mizzie was done, we chased the alpacas around the pasture again, and once again cornered them. Atticus was starting to look a little sheepish--I mean, getting trapped once was bad enough, but three times???
Golden was the next victim. We had ambitious plans for Goldie. His toenails were by far the worst of the lot, AND his front teeth needed to be trimmed (more YouTube research had been done). The most popular method of tooth trimming was using a Dremel tool. Some people used an OB-wire, but try finding one of THOSE at short notice. So, we had the Dremel primed and ready. Feet first, then the teeth.
Goldie was not amenable to either of the processes. He was the worst of the lot when it came to his feet. He pulled Solomon's trick of passive lounging, and Mizzie's trick of random kicks. By then, Jerry, Ashley, and I were tired, sore, and heartily sick of alpacas. Goldie's toenails were much worse than the others' had been, and I did the best I could, but I'm going to have to work on his gradually, due to how much they'd overgrown. By the time we were done wrestling him to get his toenails trimmed, we knew his teeth would have to wait for another day.
Thank goodness Atticus' toenails didn't need trimming. I think it will take at least two weeks before our bruises fade. Maybe then we'll try to trim Goldie's teeth.
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