In Which Satan's Alpaca Knocks Jerry Unconscious.....

..............the first time.

Yes, it's true.  This has happened more than once.  Slow learner, or stubborn?  That is the question that haunts me.

The first time it happened, we'd just gotten Atticus and Solomon, and we were trying to get their halters off, because at Dunwill Farm, all creatures deserve to run free and wild.  Within limits.  MY limits.  And people say I'm a control freak...weird.

So anyway, Jerry was trying to be helpful, but recent health issues have interfered with Jerry's formerly cat-like reflexes.  Now, his reflexes are...NOT cat-like.  And that's all I'm going to say on that subject, because he's reading over my shoulder.

Jerry managed to get a hand on Solomon's neck, and found out the hard way that alpacas have very strong necks.  They're not just there for looks, folks.  With one flick of Solomon's head, Jerry went flying--OVER Solomon's back, and onto the ground.  I've never seen someone do a full twist in the air, outside of the Olympics, or an episode of "World's Dumbest..." 

I witnessed the event with a clinical detachment.  I blame the media for my nonchalant attitude toward violence.  Or I blame the sixth grade.  Or something like that.  When I saw Jerry fly over Solomon's back and land on the ground, I didn't have much time to think about it, because with Jerry down, that meant we were one person short in the mob that was going to subdue the alpacas.  And by mob, I mean four people--Jerry, me, and two screaming teenage girls. 

As Solomon and Atticus were thundering around the pasture, I spared a quick glance to confirm that Jerry was showing uncommon sense by staying down and out of the way.  In the back of my mind, it occurred to me that this was unusual for Jerry, to stay out of the fray.  Usually, he's the first one to storm the battlements.  That must come from his Army training in Advanced Party, or, as he likes to call it, Cannon Fodder (no offense to the brave men and women who serve our country selflessly day after day, but in Jerry's case, it was either stay miserable being a mechanic, or be in Advanced Party.  He is the first to admit he's no mechanic, and by that point in his military career, he and his commanding officer had come to a divergence of philosophies, thus making the decision to send Jerry to the front lines that much easier on his commanding officer's conscience and upward career mobility.).  As Jerry tells it, his sergeant's version of their mission in Germany was to: "go forward and find a place for the company to hold off the Russians until the "real" Army can get here from America".  Confidence AND loyalty-inspiring.  And Jerry thought they were just there for the beer....

We managed to subdue the rampaging alpacas, and to remove Solomon's halter.  Atticus was thundering along with Solomon in alpaca solidarity--his halter was already off, and he apparently had nothing better to do.  It was at that point that I saw that Jerry wasn't moving.  I cautioned him in calm (not) tones to JUST STAY DOWN.  A closer look revealed that Jerry was beyond hearing anything.  Solomon had cleaned his clock. 

Jerry would like it noted that when he fell, his head slammed into a wooden fence post.  Solomon did NOT clean his clock, or anything else.  So noted.

I was trying to make Solomon feel sad about his role in Jerry's meeting with the fence post.  I was trying to ascertain whether or not he had a conscience and coud feel remorse.  "See, now you've killed him.   Don't you feel bad now?  Who's a bad alpaca?"  And that's just about when Jerry came to.  He states that it is very disconcerting to hear those words, just as one is trying to regain his senses. 

And you'd think he'd have learned his lesson.....