Disclaimer:

I am not an expert on ANYTHING. Therefore, what you see on these pages and in these posts is not intended as anything other than a depository for all of the stuff running around in my head. You will see the good, the bad, and, well....Solomon. It is not my intention to present myself as anything other than a somewhat confused, often wrong-headed participant in this crazy scheme of cobbling together a hobby farm. In fact, it would be best to read this not as a good example, but as a dire warning of what NOT to do.

There are many, many blogs written by folks who have better tools, equipment, judgment, experience, and sense. Read those if you want to learn something. Read this if you want to laugh, roll your eyes, and thank your lucky stars YOU didn't do it.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Satan's Alpaca

That's what Jerry calls Solomon.  Unfortunately, it's true.  He is a wily one. 


You will notice that he still has a halter on.  He is the ONLY one of the boys who still has a halter on his head.  This is because he's a complete and total brat.  You can tell by the set of his ears, and the squint to his eye, that he's plotting hate crimes against all of us. 

Oh, sure, I thought, when he first came to live with us, he's a sweet boyHe's just misunderstood.  Yeah, he's "misunderstood", in the same way that Ted Bundy was "misunderstood".  Folks, Beelzebub is alive and here on earth, and he is an alpaca. 

At first, I thought I should leave the halters on the boys, so that we could catch them if we needed to trim toenails or give shots.  Then, I learned that alpacas are obligate nasal breathers, which means that they must be able to get air through their nasal passages in order to breathe.  Their noses, like human noses, contain both bone (at the bridge) and cartilage (at the end).  If a halter is placed incorrectly, it can squish down the cartilage, causing the nasal passages to close.

Once I learned this little fact, the halters immediately came off the other boys.  But Solomon's remained on. 

Try as we might, we can't catch Satan's Alpaca.  He hides behind Atticus so that we can't reach him.  He has bat-like hearing, so we can't sneak up on him.  He has more moves and fakes than an NBA basketball player.  Just when you think you've got him cornered, he zigs one way, you zag the other way, and it's GAME ON again.  'Round and 'round the pasture we go.  Through the trees, around the chicken coop, and over (darn it) the poo pile. 

Satan's Alpaca has tossed Jerry around like a rag doll--twice.  He's spit slimy, green goo all over Tabor.  He's screamed every time we corner him, and I'm expecting a visit from the ASCPA any day now, because his screams of rage sound like a massacre.

If he weren't so doggone cute....



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